Sometimes when another person is aggressive the natural inclination is to engage the fight, defensively counter-attack, or retaliate. But realize that when you are aggressive back, you are likely participating in the abusive cycle and need to come to terms with your contribution and how to get away. What causes someone to become flared-up, leading to abuse is explored too.
Narcissism is the selfish and self-centeredness preoccupations that some individuals choose or fall into being. Narcissistic individuals in relationships usually feel that the nonnarcissistic person should do all their biddings, take care of all their wants and needs and should organize their life around them. This type of entitlement becomes the rule of the relationship.
People who have power are not always people who you can trust the most. Isn’t that an odd thing to say? We’ve been raised that we need to be obedient or compliant with authority. If you had parents who tried to get you to comply with good things for you and the family, they may have used their power and authority over you as a persuasion. But as a consequence you might be very vulnerable to individuals who have power.
Learn to see the red flags of abusive relationships so you can be wise and ready to exit before harm comes. First, consider the ideal relationship, when everyone is googoo eyed with the in-love gooshy feelings. This is the time of idealization and fusion of hearts and oneness. The second phase is when everyone becomes expressive of individual traits and being different from the other person. During this time, abuse is likely to begin and can be detected.
Experiencing a Narcissistic Rage or the unending slave-like attitude you adopt when trying to appease or please someone who is a Narcissistic Personality will change who you are. When you wake-up from this slave-like, oppressed position, you will barely recognize yourself. Moreover, you may even find you are suffering from a type of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) associated with the Narcissist’s style of abusing you.
Cruelty comes in all forms in relationships between bosses and employees, husbands and wives, parents and children and in any situation where one person thinks it is their right, their fun or their pleasure to be cruel, dominate, manipulative or oppressive to another. Join Dr. Carol Francis in one discussion of these situations and how to escape.
Wonderful to be a giver or a person who enjoys pleasing others. In fact, doing so often creates a wonderful bond or feelings of neighborly compassion. However, if a giver is directed toward individuals who are manipulative, untrustworthy, unable to create a mutual exchange or are abusive, narcissistic, self-centered,—then you have a big problem.
Control can be gained by abuse, pulling away or artificial praise. If you are trying to get love, romantic equality, sexual mutual pleasure, sharing of responsibilities, then you need a partner that is also able to share, compromise and lovingly share. Narcissistic individuals, for the large part, can not provide those healthy shared team-like functions.
Dr. Carol Francis describes the various reasons or causes for conflicts and disharmony in relationships that are related to merely being out of sync with each other. One is overworked and another is energetic, for example. Often arguments, conflict or disconnected disharmony will occur and might lead to something more complicated than merely being out-of-step with each other.
Sometimes religion, religious creeds, and religious moralizing are used to manipulate the abused to remain harnessed or trapped in the marriages, families or kidnapping circumstances. Guilt or feeling sorry for the abuser or even feeling it is “God’s will” to be long suffering or be bravely dealing with the pain is used as a noose to keep abused individuals attached.
What does a relationship with a narcissistic individual look like? One-sided! Consider if you are the trophy of the other person, their eye-candy, their servant, etc. It can be confusing when the narcissistic individual is kind–consider that their kindness is more about what they need to give you and what they feel good about giving and how it benefits them.
If you have recognized your narcissistic tendencies and wish to become more loving, responsible to others, and mutual in your teamwork, this series walks you through a few doable exercises. Practicing these exercises will be what trains your brain and your emotional muscles into a new way of expressing your personality and functioning in your relationships.
What roles have you assigned to your partner, unconsciously and consciously? When these expectations match, the relationship is solid and pleasant. When expectations and needs and wants do not match what your partner can meet or wants to meet that is when you will have conflicts and disappointments in the relationship.