with Dr. Carol Francis
Learn to see the red flags of abusive relationships so you can be wise and ready to exit before harm comes. First, consider the ideal relationship or the time of Limerence, when everyone is googoo eyed with the in-love gooshy feelings. This is the time of idealization and fusion of hearts and oneness.
The second phase of the relationship is when everyone become expressive of individual traits and needs and being different or separate from the other person. During this time, abuse is likely to begin and can be detected if your partner is not quick to accuse, quick to control and dominate, quick to be lazy and dependent on you and not contribute to the everyday aspects of taking care of life and each other. Even worse, abusers try to isolate you, “guilt-you,” yo-yo you into an angry moment and a quick and insufficient apology followed by another angry moment so forth and so on,
Try to be clear about each others flaws and make sure you can observe that your partner is eager to evolve their flaws as well. Look for mutuality, equality, eagerness to exchange equal efforts to help each other and take care of life’s concerns.
Blaming another for everything is a big red flag. In contrast, problem-solving approaches to difficulties is a wonderful way to respond and work through misunderstandings or complications.
Be clear. Love yourself so that you feel at ease with being respected, treated with mutual kindness, and sharing the burdens of forming a fantastically fulfilling and functional relationship.
What about being a rescuer, repairer, healer? How about co-dependence? Cycle of abuse? Subordination? Well, listen in. Be careful when you notice that you are attacked when you are trying to assist.